For the most egocentric sex
An immaculate suite, a round bed, a tablet for filming yourself and eleven (!) screens to project the videos of your antics onto. The Diapositive suite is the ideal location for #amateur night. And even if whatever happens in Déclic stays in Déclic, don’t forget to delete your files the next morning…

For the most jet sex

An immense chalet with wooden paneling from floor to ceiling, where a big fireplace crackles in front of an animal pelt, a Champagne bucket and a bathtub with a view of the Alps…. Since James Bond and agent Natacha weren’t free tonight, your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to replace them in the incredible Avaris suite of the Chalet 1864, for one night only…

For the most Apollonisiac
A former maison close that’s open to a whole world of possibilities. The bedrooms at Maison Souquet, decorated by Jacques Garcia with lots of velvet and tassels, exude a Belle Époque brothel ambiance, and Bonello could easily have filmed the sequel to L’Apollonide there. Don’t forget to reserve the “salon d’eau” for a couple’s swim (in the nude).

For the most sex-toï
Niet, those aren’t the Siberian steppes unrolling beneath your windows, but rather the hills of the Aubrac. Though you could easily be mistaken, given how intensely L’Annexe evokes a (luxury) izba with its fireplaces, furs on the beds and omnipresent birch wood. But before adopting Tols-toy style, sharpen your senses in the Aubrac suite’s twin bathtubs.

For the most porno-graphic
Vulva-printed carpeting, hot artsy prints and double showers…. The big bedrooms at Le Grand Amour ooze sexy coolitude. Go with only the most honorable of intentions however, since it’s located on rue de la Fidélité….

For the most Story of O
A trip to the seaside for Valentine’s Day? Of course! For one thing, there are aphrodisiacs in the form of oysters. And for another, there’s Castelbrac, a luxurious hotel inspired by the 1930s that’s moored to a cliff. Perched up high, immersed in the hot water of your bathtub with a view of the bay (in rooms number 1 and 19), you’ll experience the sensation — a rare thing in the month of February — of making love in Saint-Malo during high tide…